go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
