a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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