TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
