I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
