Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
