whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
