No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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