Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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