I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
