paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
