You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
