I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
