i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
