Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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