How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
