dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
