I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
