that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
