I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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