I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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