Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
