Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
