Can i not drive my cunt home
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
