I am spending my child support on dildos
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Alive.
So much puke
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
