i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
