You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
