shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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