ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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