I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
