Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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