your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
