God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
