yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
