I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
