hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
