so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
