I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
