I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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