he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
