I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
