Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
