Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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