Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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