We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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