Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
