I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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