I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
