he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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