There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
