drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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