haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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